Unexpected Banger

The FDA prescribing information for Viagra (sildenafil citrate) — all sixty-one pages of clinical warnings, adverse reactions, priapism instructions, and the molecular weight 666.7 — performed as a slow, sincere heartland country ballad. Pedal steel. Full emotional commitment. "Because the label said I had to, darling."

The FDA recalled Target's Up & Up baby wipes for Burkholderia cepacia complex and Burkholderia gladioi contamination — life-threatening sepsis risk in newborns. Performed as a full Broadway showstopper, belted completely straight, with key changes.

A Florida mom opened a can of SpaghettiOs, found worms and/or parasites actively moving in the food, and filed a lawsuit against Campbell's and Walmart in the Southern District of Florida. The only response was a full-crew sea shanty.